i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
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My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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