epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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