We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
