perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
