Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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