I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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