did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
