I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
People in love make me want to vomit
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
