Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
