I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
