apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
