The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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