well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
