True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
