I'm drive I can fine osifer
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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