mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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