May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
