oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Randomize
