Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
