I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
