i used baking grease as lip gloss
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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