im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He better not be in your backpack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
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