my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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