I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
did i walk over a car last night?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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