booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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