just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
