Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
