this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
