you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
