i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
