Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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