it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
