you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
