I'm so fucking centered right now
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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