i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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