This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Shame is for Republicans.
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