Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
