I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
