watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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