I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
