Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Found your dick twin last night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
