i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
