I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
True strength comes from lack of pants
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
