I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
