that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You made out with two different species that night
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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