I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
