8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
