I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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