The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
