one might say we're banned from that church
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
We don't watch enough power rangers
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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