Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
