So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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