So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
