just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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