Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
