On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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