I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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