Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
