someone get that fucking seahorse.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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