I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
