she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
