so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
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I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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