I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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