The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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