break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
