you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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