he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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