why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
how does that bad decision feel?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
