hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
