Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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