never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
