i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
