In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
