never play flip cup with pint glasses
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
