There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
